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When awe wakes me up in the middle of the night

Where is the awe in the middle of the night when my kids crawl into my bed and wake me up?

At that moment, I'm thinking "Awe-NAH. I'm tired!"

Almost every night I say to my son, "Elijah, go back to your own bed." He usually ignores me. It's a Christmas miracle if he stays in his own bed.

Eli no longer comes to my side of the bed, however, because he sneaks through my husband's side.

But what I did notice the other morning while semi-sleeping at 4 a.m., was how much love I have for this tiny boy all snuggly and warm. What I took notice of was how perfect God made my Eli, and how deeply blessed I am to be his mother and learn from this brilliant light.

Well that's new---not the part about being blessed--but the middle-of-the-night recognition of it!

I must be evolving as a parent because my sleep has always been one of my top priorities. That, and eating.

You know, I would love to say that being in awe of my children makes me warm and fuzzy. But it doesn't.

It makes me scared.

As I look for ways to be in awe with life, I realize it actually makes me nervous because I love them so much and could not imagine my life without them.

Then the illusions I have about being in control set in and I get that feeling. You know the one where you aren't sure what to do or how to feel... like absolutely joy-filled or just plain freaked out?

So I'm working on being in awe with a shot of faith. I want to enjoy my awe. And I want to remember that God is in control. After all, I've worked hard to get to the space of being in awe, especially when I am fast asleep.

But there's another gap to bridge because sometimes I'm actually so not in awe that awe seems like a distant memory.

How could we possibly have time for awe when there's so much to do? Laundry, lunches, dinners, carpools, play dates, trips to Starbucks?

It is easier than we think.

The awe of creation is actually sitting right before us in these wonderful beings who are constantly talking and asking for a snack. I need to remember this and 700 other things.

But every now and then, in the stillness of the middle of the night, I am graced and awed by the holiness of His creation.

I am so thankful for this moment.

And I pray for more moments like them because they change me.

When we can just be in the awe of the moment, we allow for God to change us.

And our very energy shifts because of the love of this divine instant in His grace.


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